Turns out A&W did, at one time, sell a “Velveeta Burger.”
Thanks for all the letters.
Weird! It turns out I was on that Gamespot show! I had no idea. But it was nice to see myself again. The whole interview is still up on their site I guess until they bump Psychonauts for those dang Canadian doctors. Dang them and their shifty, Northern ways.
If you haven’t been paying attention then that last paragraph probably made no sense whatsoever. But I have no time to make sense. It’s all about finishing the Euphonious Salami Psychonauts (or E.S.P. as it is known on the street)! We just have to put in a couple more car chases and fart jokes and sit back and wait. Wait for what? Why for the state to issue new history books to all the schools—books that divide all of man’s time on Earth into B.P. (Before Psychonauts) and A.P. (some Latin phrase nobody really understands but it kind of means “After Psychonauts”).
Shhh! Listen: An awesome new Psychonauts fan site has emerged!
I warn you: their site looks better than doublefine.com. That’s because I put doublefine.com together my own self and I only taught myself enough about FrontPage to get this site up, and orange, and then I gave my brain a much needed vacation. (But, don’t worry. I’m not done. As soon as I figure out how to make one of those cool, rainbow-colored separator bars and the flying pig that chases your cursor around, this page is going to get a whole lot sexier.) But for now, if you want elegance, sophistication, and hot Psychonauts action, check out razputin.net. I predict they will be a better source of information about Psychonauts than this page here, which is really just a source of information about the color orange.
And a place for me to type, since they won’t let me add any more dialog to the game.
Hey, I just noticed. This page looks a lot like Velveeta. Like maybe if A&W served Velveeta.
Go to this page on gamespot at 4:00 TODAY to see them playing our demo. It’s going to come ALIVE like Frampton.
Man, if I had any brains I would have been calling it “The Excellent Salamander Psychonauts” or something that started with S so the initials would be E.S.P. Grrr! So stupid! Maybe I can change it now and no one will notice.
Anyway, watch the thing at 4!
And mail the comics line and tell us what you think of the new comics page! Now!
Now, I make this website myself with a bunch of pipe cleaners, and some hot glue, and a big rock. It’s not pretty but I think the most important thing about it is that you, the reader, have the pleasure of knowing that I did not have to pay anybody to get it made.
But some people wanted more. Much more. They wanted to read the comics without doing math. They wanted to click on—get this—a button to read the “NEXT” comic!
I said, what do you think this is? Futureopolis? Hey, you know what? I want to eat a pill that tastes just like a hot fudge sundae! I want a tiny dog the size of a hamster that lives on my desk and fetches pencils. I want a car with a drill on the front so I can drive underground. And the car and the tiny dog should also taste like hot fudge. And we will have all of these things some day, IN THE FUTURE, I said. Not now. For now we have to make due with what brains I’ve got. I barely know html. Mostly I just cut and paste from other websites, and just add these things <> until it works.
But what the heck--we have a NEW comics page thanks to Kelli Townley, and her official PHP pal Aidan Dysart. I don’t know how those crazy kids did it but they got the buttons and the new layout and everything working, while I just sit here, no hot fudge, no driving underground, no tiny dog. Still, it’s pretty cool and you should go check it out. If for no other reason than the fact that they have NEW COMICS on it! All new, and in color! It’s time to live again.
See, THIS is what happens when I let the news back up. Now there’s too much of it. Dirty, filthy, NEWS!
First of all, I was digging around for something to use as a bullet point, and I found this tiny piece of Psychonauts art already on the server. Why did I upload this last February? I can’t remember! Maybe I did it in my sleep. Was I trying to tell me something? Do you care? No. Am I still talking about it? Yes.
Secondly, a bunch of us are going down to Cogswell College TOMORROW to give a little talk about the art of Psychonauts. I would have mentioned it earlier, but I was afraid people might show up and then we’d be too afraid to talk. Anyway, through some crazy loophole in our policy of secrecy, we’re able to bring down an actual playable version of the game. So there might be some playing of that. And then we’ll be showing some art and the artisans will talk about it. And because I believe so strongly that the children are the future, we will hang out and chat with the young art students of today. Then the art is going to hang in their gallery for a while. They’ve framed it and everything. It is going to be effing fancy. I hear there will be grapes and other sophisticated snacks. Even if you can’t come tomorrow, I think they’re going to leave the exhibit up for a month. You can check it out at your leisure. I will put a thumbprint on the glass in the lower left hand corner of the Raz picture. See if you can find it.
Thirdly, there is an IGN article here that mentions my beard so much, that it’s probably time to get rid of that thing. I would have shaved it long ago but Caroline, our executive producer, hates it so much it actually seems to cause her pain, and I would hate to lose that. Of course they did compare my beard to George Lucas’, so I am sharpening my razor.
And here is a beard-free write up on GameSpy of a talk I gave at D.I.C.E. last week. Now, here is what I have to say about that. You might think after reading that article that I was saying bad stuff about a certain company, but I was not. Not really. I mean I was talking about a period of time from 1989 to 1999. It’s been years since I left, and there are many good, talented people still there. And they’ve had many, many presidents since I left so everything is probably all fixed there now.
And of course, MOST IMPORTANTLY, our friendly friends over at the International House of Mojo made such a lovely banner about Psychonauts I just have to point to it. Not just beautiful—you can actually USE this banner to preorder the Excellent Game. And notice that they have mastered technologies that allow regular users to pre-order the XBOX version, but also the PS2 and PC versions as well! I don’t know how they did that. They are magic, mysterious creatures of pure light and knowledge over there.
And finally… oh wait. That part about the house of mojo one was the final one. Okay, you’re free to go.
Psychonauts keeps happening to us, every day of our lives. There are Frootloops and beer bottles everywhere. The end seems so close, so very close. We only have to drag our crippled, broken bodies across a few more yards of broken glass before we get there. When, oh when, will all this excellence hit the effing road? When will this glorious, golden ocean cruiser of a game start to haul its fat, golden ass out of our harbor? Is there enough Vaseline in the whole world to get this enormous, high-quality, blood-swollen tick out of our collective neck so that it may share what it has taken from us with the entire world?
I will eat more Frootloops. I realize now that is the problem. The game is waiting for all the Frootloops to be gone before it leaves. Why? Ours is not to question the game, but merely to do its bidding.
Die, build, die.
Why won’t you go away, build?
I’ve had so many donuts today. So many. The sugar is singing in my heart. Like a million plugged-in toasters singing in a giant, red bathtub. And the rubber ducky of my love for Psychonauts floats unharmed on the dancing water, for it is made of rubber.
Today at Double Fine we ordered in pizza for lunch, and sushi for dinner. Tomorrow another build is going up so we will eat nothing but booze. I was out of Kleenex at my desk for a while, but now I have some. The post-it notes I get are not the normal kind but the kind that unfold accordion-style, because they go in this post-it note dispenser I took with me when I left LucasArts. Did you know that if you draw a beard on John Kerry he looks just like the dad from Family Ties?
Saddle up, pardners, it's time for the...
(semi) recent PSYCHONAUTS press ROUND UP!
|Computer Gaming World
||Coverage of our PC version in which I'm quoted saying the word "thing" about nineteen hundred zillion times. And, ladies-- it was written by Evan Shamoon!
|Computer Games Magazine
||We're in the "The most anticipated games of 2005!" Which is awesome. My goal is to have Psychonauts NOT win this award next year. Haha. Get it? Get it Majesco?
I love you, Majesco.
|Electronic Gaming Monthly
||We are one of "The New Contenders!" It's so nice to be new again!
||What? 2004? What's that? I don't remember any such time. Well, there is a rare screenshot in this magazine so get your time machine ready for travel and your eyeballs ready for pleasure.
||"Clever is the first word that comes to mind. Maybe brilliant says it better." Might I also suggest, "sexy" and "delicious?"
|Official Xbox Magazine
||We are in here, like, three times. Once in an article about how rad Psychonauts is, once in an article about how rad Double Fine is, and once in a short blurb about how rad Tom is because he picked us as a "Power Pick for 2005." If these guys wanted to change the name of the magazine to "Official Psychonauts Magazine" I totally wouldn't sue them. P.S. The word "Rad" is totally coming back. Get ready.
||Full-page preview. I forgive them for the name spelling thing because the article is big and pretty.
|Tips and Tricks
||Something about being in Tips and Tricks makes me feel super-legit. I think I'd feel more legit if they'd start sending me free copies, though.
The following publications exist only in the form of ELECTRICITY, which can be dangerous. But the upside is you can just click on the name there and read the article. Just be careful, Chaka.
||I talked WAY too much in this article about comedy in games. Hey, bro, you know what's really funny? SILENCE. Well, not really. Unless it's also... DEADLY.
||Double Fine programmer Anna Kipnis is quoted in this article about women in games, as is our own Majesco Marketeer, Liz Buckley. Psychonauts, strangely, is not mentioned, even though I am told chicks dig it.
I promise. Tomorrow: no real news.
Sent: Saturday, January 08, 2005 11:14 PM
Subject: Stop punishing us!
Okay! Enough already about the Excellent Game Psychonauts. Tell us more about the beard! Don’t you have any pictures??? What does it smell like?
This is just one of a million letters that we have received here at Double Fine that say almost exactly the same thing. I might be forced to make a f.a.q. page about my new beard! What does it smell like? It smells like a combination of my head and my lunch. As far as pictures go… well it makes me feel really funny putting up pictures of my face on line. For free, I mean. But here I go. If you must know what my beard looks like, it looks… a little something… like THIS.