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BONUS day! BUT NOT!

Special treat today!!!

Today there are TWO Double Fine Action Comics waiting for you!

Why? Why such a treat? Why is today so special?

We’ll there are two comics today because… I forgot to put one up yesterday. Haha. Jokes on those suckers from yesterday. They get nothing. But the people of today get TWO.

Does that make any sense? Don’t read them all at once.

No, wait. DO read them all at once. It’s like putting a whole handful of M&Ms in your mouth at the same time. It’s decadent, but there is technically no law against it.

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03/30/2004 - 11:45 AM

LIKE COMING HOME TO FIND THE TURKEY IN THE CRIB AND THE BABY IN THE OVEN.

Okay, I’m back, and for some reason that is Scott Campbell’s fault, there is only ONE action comic waiting here for me to post. I don’t want to point any fingers at Scott Campbell. But let’s just say that he, Scott Campbell, is at fault.

I’ll put up what I got, and that would be #20. As for the spots where 21 and 22 should go DON’T WORRY. I’m going to break the class and take out the emergency art I have waiting for just this possibility. I happen to have some back up UNICORN ART by office manager Kelli. Since we all know that is where Scott steals most of his ideas, why not go directly to the source this time?

And to substitute for #22… well… here, let’s just put up an ugly picture of Scott.

Man, that is one ugly bastard.

Such an ug. WOOF! Poor guy. No wonder he draws. If I looked like that, I’d dream of living in a fantasy world of my own creation too. One where being ugly was normal, or even valued. Like Portland.

One thing that is not ugly, however, is anybody wearing a Full Throttle T-shirt. Check out this handsome devil I saw walking the streets of San Jose last week. That guy on the left is none other than Marek Bronstring from Adventure Gamers, who showed up just in time to take that picture, and then help me wrestle the guy in the middle to the ground and take his t-shirt. The poor chap tried to tell us that he was the famous Chris Remo, but if that were true, I’m sure Marek would have said something. (Something other than what he did say, I mean, which was, “I hate you! I hate you Chris Remo! Now give me this shirt so I can sell it on ebay to get money to buy drugs. I love drugs and adventure games and drugs!”) Marek has a weird sense of humor, but the dude can wrestle. And man, does he love drugs!

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03/28/2004 - 11:29 AM

STEP INTO THE LANYARD (posted by Tim, AGAIN)

I’m off to the International Convention of Glamour for 3 days. No TV while I’m gone!

Unfortunately, I’m not some sort of superhaxx0r who knows how to update their website while being more than five miles from my desk, so I don’t think I’ll be able to update the comics while I’m gone. I’m hoping the long-rumored ERIK will actually step up to the plate and post something here, and maybe while he’s at it he will accidentally trip and fall and his hand will hit the mouse and click at just the right time, and he’ll inadvertently put up some comics on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. If not then I’ll try to put them up there some how, by using my cell phone, or car stereo, or my Radio Shack 150-in-One Experiment Kit. Just like in Jurassic Park, life will find a way.

Bonus news!!! Here is an exciting Psychonauts update from reputed Canadian, Joe White.

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03/23/2004 - 11:24 AM

OMG LET’S MAKE UP! (posted by Tim)

I don’t want to fight anymore. I forgive you for betraying my love. Grim Fandango had a good run, but now it has gone to GameSpy Title fight heaven, where it will finally rest.

(Unless you bring it back in the “extra life” vote going on right now, which you really should do. Especially since that would give you another opportunity to betray and humiliate me, which you seem to get off on.)

I put the optimistic tag “Posted by Tim” up there in the corner, did you notice? Erik promised me more posts of his hilarious comic stylings, so I’m just going to keep on putting that little signature up there, even though all the posts are by me right now. You see, the plan is that Erik will see that happening and actually feel guilty enough to put up his own post.  Are you reading this, Mr. Funny? Hello? Paging Doctor Chuckletime! America is pregnant with giggles, and is waiting for you to deliver!

Oh, man I want to continue with that joke but I’m actually grossing myself out.

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03/19/2004 - 11:11 AM

STILL MAD AT YOU.

And no, we’re not friends anymore. In fact, we’re not even talking. In fact, I’m not even typing this right now.

Don’t give me that look. It’s over. Here, why don’t you go hang out with your new best friend?

Now that I think about it, we were never really friends. I always thought you looked fat in that jacket you love so much. And I hate your laugh. And everyone thinks you smell.

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03/18/2004 - 10:48 AM

ALL THAT CHEATING FOR NOTHING!

Quick! To the cave of false promises! Ha! Sucker!
Hi! I love you! I am so tired of your crap, Batman.
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies!
Hi! I love you! I trusted you! How could you tell me all that junk?
Quick! To the cave of false promises! That's a question! I warned you! Prepare yourself for another lie!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... B-man! I love your work. Wanna go grab some buffalo wings or something?
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Sure thing. We are brother and sister after all.
Hi! I love you! WHAT!?! Brother and sister?? That explains everything! The election and--
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Oh, man. I warn you that a lie is coming and you STILL fall for it.
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... He's great, isn't he? Come on, let's go. I'm thinking maybe Tony Roma's now.
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Onion Tower!
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03/17/2004 - 09:31 AM

BATMAN TOLD ME EVIL NEVER WINS.

Hi! I love you! Come on everybody! We just need a few hundred more votes and then we’ll win the GameSpy title fight!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... BWAH HA HA! You’ll never win!
Hi! I love you! Sure we will! We all just have to BELIEVE.
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... It’s time you took a careful evaluation of current market place realities and underlying economic considerations!
Hi! I love you! Ouch!
I'm actually a very nice guy. It’s all about design, man.
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Design all you want, chumps. We rigged the election!
I'm actually a very nice guy. Gasp!
Hi! I love you! But... but why would you want to do that?
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... BWAH HA HA! Because I love to see children cry!
Hi! I love you! Never!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Come on baby. Cry.
Hi! I love you! No!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Daddy’s favorite baby girl. One, two, three… CRY!
Hi! I love you! No!
I'm actually a very nice guy. Chrono Trigger is an excellent, excellent game, you know.
Hi! I love you! Waaaaaaaaa!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Delicious! The tears of a heartbroken child gather like fresh morning dew on the crabgrass in my heart! And as the tiny lawn spiders that also live in my heart come out to drink of the dew, I am delighted! Bwahhhhh ha ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Drink little heart spiders! Drink!
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03/15/2004 - 06:13 PM

RISE UP FROM YOUR GRAVES AND KILL!!!

It's GameSpy title fight time again! Beating Gabriel Knight was one thing. We had the element of surprise then. We hit them hard while they were still tying their shoes. And then we pulled hair and used our fingernails. I'm not saying it wasn't fun. I'm just saying we're not going to get any breaks this time. Grim is up against Chrono Trigger (I've heard that's John Romero's favorite game, so let's just call it "John Romero's Chrono Trigger") and Knights of the Old Republic (let's just call that "The People Who Cancelled Sam and Max 2's Knights of the Old Republic"). Now the LAST thing I would ever want to do is influence your vote in any way. I'm only trying to provide a service: to present your voting choices to you in a clear, fair, objective manner. Here they are again:

Hi! I love you! I'm actually a very nice guy. Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release...
The game I made! Hi! John Romero's Chrono Trigger TPWCS&M2's KotOR

GameSpy hasn't updated yet, so if you click here you may, or may not, be able to vote yet. But I know you need some time to get those auto-voting-bots warmed up, so start clicking now! Go!
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03/15/2004 - 05:14 PM

FANASCII! PLUS, CRUEL LOVE.

Normally, I am to lazy to put up fan art, no matter how good it is. In fact, if it’s any good at all that just makes it worse. I feel threatened by the fan’s skill, and am forced to do whatever I can to suppress it. This is how we professionals maintain the thin, orange line that separates us from the rogue creatives.

But the art below is just too good not to share. Also, it’s Friday and screw it. Like I’m going to write something on a Friday! I lean on the newsreaders for content. They are like a crutch for me, in many ways: They offer support, they smell like my armpit, and I can’t wait until I don’t need them anymore. 

Haha! Of course I am just cruel-teasing you, friends. This is how I was raised. This is how my people show love. It might seem like a cold way to communicate, but so is Morse Code. And do you think that no one ever used Morse Code to send a love letter? Well, actually, maybe that never happened, unless I guess one telegraph operator fell in love with another telegraph operator. Nonetheless:  - .... . /  .-..—- ...- . /  .. ... /  - .... . .-. . .-.-.- /  ... ..- -.-. -.- . .-. .-.-.- !!!

And now, some tear-jerking ASCII art from Jan Jacob Mekes:

image

So good.

And here, this guy Drew Morgan made his own episode of the Double Fine Action Comics!

Scott was sincerely touched by your efforts, Drew. It made him quite emotional, and at the same time, quite unnecessary. Why do I pay him when you’re sending me this stuff for free? Am I right Drew? So he’s fired, you’re hired. Show up at 6am tomorrow. Plan on sleeping here the first night because you’ll have a backlog of comics to catch up on. Don’t touch the free coffee—that’s for regular employees. If you find any change in the couch, it’s mine. Oh, and from now on, your nickname is “Dookie la Pud.” Man! I love hiring people!!

Coming Monday: POSSIBLY UNICORNS.

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03/12/2004 - 04:31 PM

FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT LAST POST.

Alright, alright. I was lying about Erik. Maybe he does work here, but trust me—only slightly. And not very hard, or well. But he is adorable and really, really hilarious to have around the office. Mostly because every time you turn around, he’s gotten himself into another crazy jam! Just yesterday he got his head caught in the scanner! Ha ha. We all laughed and laughed, until the poor little guy started crying—and then we really busted up! Before long he totally started spazzing out and flailing his arms around and making this hysterical, wheezing sort of sound, which you would think would be funny, but it was in fact very scary and funny!

I was going to make fun of him more but I feel bad and also I’m all sleepy. Not because it’s late, but because I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I think I have a wheat allergy, or a jam intolerance. Or possibly an allergy to eating microwaved egg-rolls in the dark, which I also did, but a little later.

I realize as I type this, that that last part might come off as kind of sad, but trust me—there are things in Costco egg rolls that you don’t want to see. You just gotta turn out the lights, take off your shirt, and go to town.

Oh, and I have another plug: Kelli really wants everyone to start washing their own dishes around here. She ain’t your mamma, and she’s sick of you leaving your dirty coffee cups in the conference room. And, while she’s at it, she also wants everyone to know that Scott totally STOLE the unicorn in DFAC #10 from HER.

actually—> Run! It's that girl from Ferris Bueller again!<—by Kelli

So now you know.

Not sure why she’s bragging about that. I mean, really,*I* could have drawn that. Here, watch:

Not to scale

Oh, wait. No. That’s a picture of Kelli. Hang on. Let me really try to draw a unicorn this time…

image

Ah, whoops! I have accidentally created beauty… again!

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03/11/2004 - 04:00 PM
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