Whenever I want to get real happy, I know it’s time to look in the ol’ Double Fine mailbag!
Wooo! Mail bag! Double Fine mail bag! Woo!
Unfortunately, somebody ruined the mailbag by filling it with a molten rice crispy treat mixture on April Fool’s Day. I guess that’s just the kind of thing that makes some people feel good about themselves. Like, maybe, better than other people, even. I don’t know. I would never do something like that, but maybe I’m boring. Maybe I’m “uncool” because I don’t destroy things that other people love. I don’t take two things that some people really depend on, like mail and rice crispy treats, and turn them into an icky mess that would make anybody cry. Even on April Fool’s Day.
Well, smooth move, pranksters! Like I’m going to eat that now! You spent all that money on Rice Crispies and marshmallows and it’s going to WASTE. Ha! Who’s laughing now! Huh? Who’s the fool this April?
Well, actually I did eat it. Eventually. And it wasn’t very good, and kind of tasted like burlap. But still, the mail was set free, and I was only sick for a very short period of time. And the point is that I still have my pride. And I still have my mail! It’s a little sticky, but still, let’s open it and enjoy a letter. K?
(And I don’t mean that K is the letter that we should enjoy. Haha. But that would have been a funny word game/pun don’t you think?)
Anyway, here’s the letter: M.
(Haha! Okay that time I was making a funny joke. You have to keep on your toes around me I know.) Okay, let’s have the letter for serious now:
Okay, Mr. Schpyder [ cool name! ] listen, I am NOT lying. Don’t make me put up a picture of it because I will. I will totally ask my mom if I can borrow the scanner and I will scan the Marf and you will be sorry. I am warning you. Mess with the bull, you get the horns.
I guess GameSpy was feeling bad about those totally rigged elections in which Chrono Trigger made Grim Fandango cry. So now they gave us this, which is nice, but it’s no this. Still, yay. Yay for Grim. Yay for Grim, and Kittens, and beer.
Will Wright gave me a Marf at GDC. I don’t want to make anybody out there jealous, because you really shouldn’t be. At least, not if Will also gave you a Marf. But of course, if Will didn’t Marf you… then your insides should be crawling with the parasites of jealousy. Your Marf-less pancreas should be mostly devoured now. I’m only telling you this because I care. I wouldn’t want you to feel bad just because you received so much less than I did. So much less.
Now, wipe that tear away and go do your taxes!
Not sure why he hates you, but Scott won’t put up DFAC #28. He’s all, “Waaa waaaa, waaaaAA! Deadline today! I’m busy!”
And while, yes, technically, it is true that we have a big milestone due this Friday, I think Scott is being a big baby. Just like this:
Except this picture has me as the baby, and Scott as the grown-up with all the creepy rings on. So just imagine that it’s like this picture, but reversed!
Ha ha! Now you see it is SCOTT who is a baby, and I am the one with the creepy—
Ha ha for real this time! NOW it is clear that it is SCOTT who is the newborn baby who can not put up his comic, and I, TIM, am the mature one who does not suck his thumb!!! I hope that is clear now.
Anyway, the point is, if you want the new comic, mail Scott and nag him to do it.
And tell him to stop being a baby, and don’t mention me. And ask him why he wears those creepy rings.
You may have heard about this already, but just to confirm: there is no hand soap in the kitchen. Maybe CERTAIN PEOPLE consider the watered-down dish soap by the sink to be hand soap, but my delicate hands and I do not. Though my skin has the same fair, smooth consistency of fine china, I am not a dish (except in that way that indicates that I am super good-looking, which I am). Real dishwashing soap (yes, even Palmolive) will dry out your hands real quick. Maybe if CERTAIN PEOPLE spent less time drawing unicorns, and more time ordering hand soap, then THOSE VERY SAME CERTAIN PEOPLE wouldn’t have to wear headphones to block out the screams from my office as I try to type the news with dry, cracked, bloody hands!
In other news: Psychonauts is awesome.
Special treat today!!!
Today there are TWO Double Fine Action Comics waiting for you!
Why? Why such a treat? Why is today so special?
We’ll there are two comics today because… I forgot to put one up yesterday. Haha. Jokes on those suckers from yesterday. They get nothing. But the people of today get TWO.
Does that make any sense? Don’t read them all at once.
No, wait. DO read them all at once. It’s like putting a whole handful of M&Ms in your mouth at the same time. It’s decadent, but there is technically no law against it.
Okay, I’m back, and for some reason that is Scott Campbell’s fault, there is only ONE action comic waiting here for me to post. I don’t want to point any fingers at Scott Campbell. But let’s just say that he, Scott Campbell, is at fault.
I’ll put up what I got, and that would be #20. As for the spots where 21 and 22 should go DON’T WORRY. I’m going to break the class and take out the emergency art I have waiting for just this possibility. I happen to have some back up UNICORN ART by office manager Kelli. Since we all know that is where Scott steals most of his ideas, why not go directly to the source this time?
And to substitute for #22… well… here, let’s just put up an ugly picture of Scott.
Man, that is one ugly bastard.
Such an ug. WOOF! Poor guy. No wonder he draws. If I looked like that, I’d dream of living in a fantasy world of my own creation too. One where being ugly was normal, or even valued. Like Portland.
One thing that is not ugly, however, is anybody wearing a Full Throttle T-shirt. Check out this handsome devil I saw walking the streets of San Jose last week. That guy on the left is none other than Marek Bronstring from Adventure Gamers, who showed up just in time to take that picture, and then help me wrestle the guy in the middle to the ground and take his t-shirt. The poor chap tried to tell us that he was the famous Chris Remo, but if that were true, I’m sure Marek would have said something. (Something other than what he did say, I mean, which was, “I hate you! I hate you Chris Remo! Now give me this shirt so I can sell it on ebay to get money to buy drugs. I love drugs and adventure games and drugs!”) Marek has a weird sense of humor, but the dude can wrestle. And man, does he love drugs!
I’m off to the International Convention of Glamour for 3 days. No TV while I’m gone!
Unfortunately, I’m not some sort of superhaxx0r who knows how to update their website while being more than five miles from my desk, so I don’t think I’ll be able to update the comics while I’m gone. I’m hoping the long-rumored ERIK will actually step up to the plate and post something here, and maybe while he’s at it he will accidentally trip and fall and his hand will hit the mouse and click at just the right time, and he’ll inadvertently put up some comics on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. If not then I’ll try to put them up there some how, by using my cell phone, or car stereo, or my Radio Shack 150-in-One Experiment Kit. Just like in Jurassic Park, life will find a way.
Bonus news!!! Here is an exciting Psychonauts update from reputed Canadian, Joe White.
I don’t want to fight anymore. I forgive you for betraying my love. Grim Fandango had a good run, but now it has gone to GameSpy Title fight heaven, where it will finally rest.
(Unless you bring it back in the “extra life” vote going on right now, which you really should do. Especially since that would give you another opportunity to betray and humiliate me, which you seem to get off on.)
I put the optimistic tag “Posted by Tim” up there in the corner, did you notice? Erik promised me more posts of his hilarious comic stylings, so I’m just going to keep on putting that little signature up there, even though all the posts are by me right now. You see, the plan is that Erik will see that happening and actually feel guilty enough to put up his own post. Are you reading this, Mr. Funny? Hello? Paging Doctor Chuckletime! America is pregnant with giggles, and is waiting for you to deliver!
Oh, man I want to continue with that joke but I’m actually grossing myself out.
And no, we’re not friends anymore. In fact, we’re not even talking. In fact, I’m not even typing this right now.
Don’t give me that look. It’s over. Here, why don’t you go hang out with your new best friend?
Now that I think about it, we were never really friends. I always thought you looked fat in that jacket you love so much. And I hate your laugh. And everyone thinks you smell.