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Okay, I’m back, and for some reason that is Scott Campbell’s fault, there is only ONE action comic waiting here for me to post. I don’t want to point any fingers at Scott Campbell. But let’s just say that he, Scott Campbell, is at fault.

I’ll put up what I got, and that would be #20. As for the spots where 21 and 22 should go DON’T WORRY. I’m going to break the class and take out the emergency art I have waiting for just this possibility. I happen to have some back up UNICORN ART by office manager Kelli. Since we all know that is where Scott steals most of his ideas, why not go directly to the source this time?

And to substitute for #22… well… here, let’s just put up an ugly picture of Scott.

Man, that is one ugly bastard.

Such an ug. WOOF! Poor guy. No wonder he draws. If I looked like that, I’d dream of living in a fantasy world of my own creation too. One where being ugly was normal, or even valued. Like Portland.

One thing that is not ugly, however, is anybody wearing a Full Throttle T-shirt. Check out this handsome devil I saw walking the streets of San Jose last week. That guy on the left is none other than Marek Bronstring from Adventure Gamers, who showed up just in time to take that picture, and then help me wrestle the guy in the middle to the ground and take his t-shirt. The poor chap tried to tell us that he was the famous Chris Remo, but if that were true, I’m sure Marek would have said something. (Something other than what he did say, I mean, which was, “I hate you! I hate you Chris Remo! Now give me this shirt so I can sell it on ebay to get money to buy drugs. I love drugs and adventure games and drugs!”) Marek has a weird sense of humor, but the dude can wrestle. And man, does he love drugs!

03/28/2004 - 11:29 AM
09/06/15 - 11:01 PM
James 33:
"I come from Pulau Tidung and I really like to play games, especially when the games of war. The house is a visitor place which makes it increasingly crowded with site visitors tour once i play video games. For those of you who wish to know more details where I live read my article entitled Paket Pulau Pari"


I’m off to the International Convention of Glamour for 3 days. No TV while I’m gone!

Unfortunately, I’m not some sort of superhaxx0r who knows how to update their website while being more than five miles from my desk, so I don’t think I’ll be able to update the comics while I’m gone. I’m hoping the long-rumored ERIK will actually step up to the plate and post something here, and maybe while he’s at it he will accidentally trip and fall and his hand will hit the mouse and click at just the right time, and he’ll inadvertently put up some comics on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. If not then I’ll try to put them up there some how, by using my cell phone, or car stereo, or my Radio Shack 150-in-One Experiment Kit. Just like in Jurassic Park, life will find a way.

Bonus news!!! Here is an exciting Psychonauts update from reputed Canadian, Joe White.

03/23/2004 - 11:24 AM
09/06/15 - 11:02 PM
James 33:
"Ich komme aus Paket Pulau Tidung ferner ich liebe, Spiele zu spielen, besonders, wenn die Spiele dieses Krieges. Mein Haus ist ein touristischer Ort, der es immer überfüllt mit Besuchern Tour, falls ich Spiele spielen macht. Für diejenigen unter Ihnen, die wollen, um weitere Informationen zu erhalten, wo ich lebe Sie glauben Artikel via Titel Pulau Pari lesen sachverstand"

OMG LET’S MAKE UP! (posted by Tim)

I don’t want to fight anymore. I forgive you for betraying my love. Grim Fandango had a good run, but now it has gone to GameSpy Title fight heaven, where it will finally rest.

(Unless you bring it back in the “extra life” vote going on right now, which you really should do. Especially since that would give you another opportunity to betray and humiliate me, which you seem to get off on.)

I put the optimistic tag “Posted by Tim” up there in the corner, did you notice? Erik promised me more posts of his hilarious comic stylings, so I’m just going to keep on putting that little signature up there, even though all the posts are by me right now. You see, the plan is that Erik will see that happening and actually feel guilty enough to put up his own post.  Are you reading this, Mr. Funny? Hello? Paging Doctor Chuckletime! America is pregnant with giggles, and is waiting for you to deliver!

Oh, man I want to continue with that joke but I’m actually grossing myself out.

03/19/2004 - 11:11 AM
09/06/15 - 11:03 PM
James 33:
"We result from Paket Pulau Tidung and I really adore to participate in video games, especially in the event the video game titles associated with conflict. My house can be a traveller spot so that it is progressively crowded using guests visit when i perform video games. For those who are who want to learn more facts where We stay you possibly can understand our document eligible Pulau Pari."


And no, we’re not friends anymore. In fact, we’re not even talking. In fact, I’m not even typing this right now.

Don’t give me that look. It’s over. Here, why don’t you go hang out with your new best friend?

Now that I think about it, we were never really friends. I always thought you looked fat in that jacket you love so much. And I hate your laugh. And everyone thinks you smell.

03/18/2004 - 10:48 AM
09/06/15 - 11:04 PM
James 33:
"We result from Wisata Pulau Tidung in addition to I seriously love to play games, especially once the online games regarding conflict. The house is a traveler location rendering it progressively packed using site visitors trip while i enjoy games. For those who are who wish to learn more specifics exactly where My spouse and i reside you can examine my article titled Pulau Pari."


Quick! To the cave of false promises! Ha! Sucker!
Hi! I love you! I am so tired of your crap, Batman.
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies!
Hi! I love you! I trusted you! How could you tell me all that junk?
Quick! To the cave of false promises! That's a question! I warned you! Prepare yourself for another lie!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... B-man! I love your work. Wanna go grab some buffalo wings or something?
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Sure thing. We are brother and sister after all.
Hi! I love you! WHAT!?! Brother and sister?? That explains everything! The election and--
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Oh, man. I warn you that a lie is coming and you STILL fall for it.
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... He's great, isn't he? Come on, let's go. I'm thinking maybe Tony Roma's now.
Quick! To the cave of false promises! Onion Tower!
03/17/2004 - 09:31 AM
09/06/15 - 11:05 PM
James 33:
"Io vengo da Wisata Pulau Tidung e mi piace giocare, in specie una volta che i giochi di guerra. La mia casa è un luogo turistico che la rende continuamente più affollato con i visitatori giro quando gioco giochi. Con lo scopo di quelli di voi che vogliono conoscere più particolari in cui vivo si può leggere il mio pezzo intitolato Wisata Pulau Pari"


Hi! I love you! Come on everybody! We just need a few hundred more votes and then we’ll win the GameSpy title fight!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... BWAH HA HA! You’ll never win!
Hi! I love you! Sure we will! We all just have to BELIEVE.
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... It’s time you took a careful evaluation of current market place realities and underlying economic considerations!
Hi! I love you! Ouch!
I'm actually a very nice guy. It’s all about design, man.
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Design all you want, chumps. We rigged the election!
I'm actually a very nice guy. Gasp!
Hi! I love you! But... but why would you want to do that?
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... BWAH HA HA! Because I love to see children cry!
Hi! I love you! Never!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Come on baby. Cry.
Hi! I love you! No!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Daddy’s favorite baby girl. One, two, three… CRY!
Hi! I love you! No!
I'm actually a very nice guy. Chrono Trigger is an excellent, excellent game, you know.
Hi! I love you! Waaaaaaaaa!
Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release... Delicious! The tears of a heartbroken child gather like fresh morning dew on the crabgrass in my heart! And as the tiny lawn spiders that also live in my heart come out to drink of the dew, I am delighted! Bwahhhhh ha ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Drink little heart spiders! Drink!
03/15/2004 - 06:13 PM
09/06/15 - 11:06 PM
James 33:
"Nous-mêmes viens du Wisata Pulau Tidung & je l'aime vraiment jouer à des jeux, en particulier dès lors que les jeux de guerre. Ma maison est un vecteur touristique laquelle rend chaque jour plus encombré de visiteurs tournée quand nous-mêmes joue aux jeux. Pour ceux d'entre vous laquelle veulent en savoir plus de détails à votre disposition où nous vis, il vous est possible de lire mon article intitulé Paket Pulau Pari"


It's GameSpy title fight time again! Beating Gabriel Knight was one thing. We had the element of surprise then. We hit them hard while they were still tying their shoes. And then we pulled hair and used our fingernails. I'm not saying it wasn't fun. I'm just saying we're not going to get any breaks this time. Grim is up against Chrono Trigger (I've heard that's John Romero's favorite game, so let's just call it "John Romero's Chrono Trigger") and Knights of the Old Republic (let's just call that "The People Who Cancelled Sam and Max 2's Knights of the Old Republic"). Now the LAST thing I would ever want to do is influence your vote in any way. I'm only trying to provide a service: to present your voting choices to you in a clear, fair, objective manner. Here they are again:

Hi! I love you! I'm actually a very nice guy. Why is everybody so mad? I'm just a little old press release...
The game I made! Hi! John Romero's Chrono Trigger TPWCS&M2's KotOR

GameSpy hasn't updated yet, so if you click here you may, or may not, be able to vote yet. But I know you need some time to get those auto-voting-bots warmed up, so start clicking now! Go!
03/15/2004 - 05:14 PM
09/06/15 - 11:07 PM
James 33:
"Io vengo da Pulau Tidung e mi piace giocare, prima di tutto una volta che i giochi vittoria guerra. La mia abitazione è un luogo turistico che la rende costantemente più affollato con i visitatori giro quando passatempo giochi. Con lo scopo di quelli successo voi che vogliono conoscere più particolari in cui vivo si è in grado di leggere il mio pezzo intitolato Pulau Pari"


Normally, I am to lazy to put up fan art, no matter how good it is. In fact, if it’s any good at all that just makes it worse. I feel threatened by the fan’s skill, and am forced to do whatever I can to suppress it. This is how we professionals maintain the thin, orange line that separates us from the rogue creatives.

But the art below is just too good not to share. Also, it’s Friday and screw it. Like I’m going to write something on a Friday! I lean on the newsreaders for content. They are like a crutch for me, in many ways: They offer support, they smell like my armpit, and I can’t wait until I don’t need them anymore. 

Haha! Of course I am just cruel-teasing you, friends. This is how I was raised. This is how my people show love. It might seem like a cold way to communicate, but so is Morse Code. And do you think that no one ever used Morse Code to send a love letter? Well, actually, maybe that never happened, unless I guess one telegraph operator fell in love with another telegraph operator. Nonetheless:  - .... . /  .-..—- ...- . /  .. ... /  - .... . .-. . .-.-.- /  ... ..- -.-. -.- . .-. .-.-.- !!!

And now, some tear-jerking ASCII art from Jan Jacob Mekes:


So good.

And here, this guy Drew Morgan made his own episode of the Double Fine Action Comics!

Scott was sincerely touched by your efforts, Drew. It made him quite emotional, and at the same time, quite unnecessary. Why do I pay him when you’re sending me this stuff for free? Am I right Drew? So he’s fired, you’re hired. Show up at 6am tomorrow. Plan on sleeping here the first night because you’ll have a backlog of comics to catch up on. Don’t touch the free coffee—that’s for regular employees. If you find any change in the couch, it’s mine. Oh, and from now on, your nickname is “Dookie la Pud.” Man! I love hiring people!!


03/12/2004 - 04:31 PM
09/06/15 - 11:08 PM
James 33:
"I actually come from Paket Pulau Tidung and I really love to play video games, especially after the games associated with war. My house is a tourist place which makes it increasingly crowded with website visitors tour when I play games. For those of you who want to know more details where I live you can read my post entitled Pulau Pari"


Alright, alright. I was lying about Erik. Maybe he does work here, but trust me—only slightly. And not very hard, or well. But he is adorable and really, really hilarious to have around the office. Mostly because every time you turn around, he’s gotten himself into another crazy jam! Just yesterday he got his head caught in the scanner! Ha ha. We all laughed and laughed, until the poor little guy started crying—and then we really busted up! Before long he totally started spazzing out and flailing his arms around and making this hysterical, wheezing sort of sound, which you would think would be funny, but it was in fact very scary and funny!

I was going to make fun of him more but I feel bad and also I’m all sleepy. Not because it’s late, but because I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I think I have a wheat allergy, or a jam intolerance. Or possibly an allergy to eating microwaved egg-rolls in the dark, which I also did, but a little later.

I realize as I type this, that that last part might come off as kind of sad, but trust me—there are things in Costco egg rolls that you don’t want to see. You just gotta turn out the lights, take off your shirt, and go to town.

Oh, and I have another plug: Kelli really wants everyone to start washing their own dishes around here. She ain’t your mamma, and she’s sick of you leaving your dirty coffee cups in the conference room. And, while she’s at it, she also wants everyone to know that Scott totally STOLE the unicorn in DFAC #10 from HER.

actually—> Run! It's that girl from Ferris Bueller again!<—by Kelli

So now you know.

Not sure why she’s bragging about that. I mean, really,*I* could have drawn that. Here, watch:

Not to scale

Oh, wait. No. That’s a picture of Kelli. Hang on. Let me really try to draw a unicorn this time…


Ah, whoops! I have accidentally created beauty… again!

03/11/2004 - 04:00 PM
09/06/15 - 11:10 PM
James 33:
"We come from Wisata Pulau Tidung and I really love to play video games, especially once the games associated with war. My house is a visitor place which makes it increasingly congested with guests tour after i play video games. For those of you who would like to know more information where I live you can read my write-up entitled Paket Pulau Pari"

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Mathematics, Internet Deliver Voting Mandate 2004-03-10

Thanks to Christianity, CNN.

On Friday, Grim Fandango made it to the next round in Gamespy’s best game of all time voting contest. A couple of days before that, CNN included the following piece of information in an article about The Passion of The Christ:

The number 666, which many Christians recognize as the “mark of the beast,” is appearing on movie tickets for Gibson’s film…

I hope CNN does a follow-up article on these mysterious Christians who don’t recognize the mark of the beast. I don’t want to judge because that’s a job for God, and I don’t want to be judge and jury because that’s Judge Dredd’s job, but if you don’t recognize the mark of the beast, you may be Christian, but you’re not very good at it. From Atheists to Zoroastrians, everybody recognizes the mark of the beast. Babies don’t.  But if that’s who CNN’s counting then they’re gonna to have to qualify every factual statement they ever make, because babies know roughly dick about anything.  That’s why adults have to be so diligent about checking them for moles shaped like the mark of the beast. The point is – well, one point is that any baby could be the fourth or second coming of Satan depending on whether you’re counting by Omens or Rosemary’s Babies – but the other point is that there are some things everybody knows.  Regardless of what CNN says, the mark of the beast is one. Another good example is that Grim Fandango is better than its next Gamespy challenger, Chrono Trigger.

I’m not going to pretend that I like Grim Fandango.  I’m not even going to pretend that I ever played Grim Fandango. Anymore.  I had to pretend those things a little to get this job. And I’m sick of it. And you can take the lie I told to get this job and shove it. Though I’d like to keep the job if possible, please.  I also don’t like and have never played Chrono Trigger. All of this makes me a completely objective judge of both games.

I don’t know much about either game, but I do know that if you search Usenet for “Chrono Trigger sucks” not only will you not find anyone not not saying Chrono Trigger is better than Grim Fandango, you’ll discover that a lot of people think Chrono Trigger is pretty sucky, for example in this thread plainly titled “CT sucks”.  And if you need another reason why Chrono Trigger sucks, check out this thread called “Another reason why Chrono Trigger sucks”. Still think Chrono Trigger doesn’t suck? Well, then, I guess you’re smarter than the Internet, because that’s where you’ll find this essay entitled “Chrono sucks”. And the Internet expressed that opinion way back in 1996.  So even if Grim Fandango totally sucks, it couldn’t possibly suck as much as Chrono Trigger, because Chrono Trigger has been sucking longer than Grim Fandango has even existed.

With that observation, we’ve left the subjective realm of conjecture and entered the world of basic math, just the foundation for most subtractions and all of science except for I think geology. Which kind of turns this next bracket into the video game ranking version of the Scopes Monkey Trial. This time there’s no actual monkey wearing his best teeny suit on trial for his little life, but the principle remains the same. A vote for Chrono Trigger is metaphorically a vote against the rational basis of all modern thought. And literally a vote against monkeys. You can’t actually vote yet, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying.

03/10/2004 - 03:43 PM
09/06/15 - 03:08 PM
James 33:
"When i come from Paket Pulau Tidung and I wish to engage in games, in particular once the games associated with warfare. The house is often a visitor position making it progressively swarmed along with website visitors expedition after i enjoy online games. For all of us who would like to uncover more specifics where When i stay it is possible to examine our post entitled Pulau Pari."
05/24/13 - 11:16 PM
Bidiot Bales:
"I'm reading this... FROM THE FUTURE!"
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