|Long story short-- wait, that's
impossible! There's too much I want to tell you
I come from an ancient calling--the Storytellers.
Long before we had TVs and cable and basic
cable and basic expanded cable and basic digital
cable and satellite dishes and tivo... we had
storytellers. When ancient man sat around the
campfire of prehistory, chewing on woolly mammoth
drumsticks, do you think he was watching TV?
WRONG! They just had one member of the tribe who
was really good at telling stories. Maybe his name
was something like... Thogg.
Maybe Thogg's stories were simple, or even
primitive. Maybe he'd just grunt and pound his
chest, and point at the moon or the campfire, and
howl. But the people loved him! They were thankful
for Thogg's stories because Thogg distracted them
from the brutal facts of their existence. Like the
fact that a saber-toothed tiger might be crawling
out of the tar to come eat them at that very
moment. They knew that many of the tribe would die
that year in dinosaur attacks, or spear fights,
and they didn't want to think about that. They
wanted to think about the funny stories that Thogg
would tell about the fire and the moon. Oh, how
they loved his stories. And that's why Thogg was
the most popular member of the tribe.
Thogg passed his gift on. Maybe to his son
named Gothar. And then maybe Gothar taught it to
his son Narack. And then Narack taught it to his
son Ka'ak. And then Ka'ak--hey, maybe he had a
daughter named... Mitzie. And on and on all the
way down to me.
Now, entertaining the children of Whispering
Rock Psychic Summer camp is my sacred duty, to
keep the children's minds off their rigorous
training, and the fact that someday they will most
likely die in the service of the Psychonauts,
assuming they don't get their brains eaten this
summer by the Hideous Hulking Lungfish. (I believe
Shout out to my secret girlfriend! Oh,
and when can we start telling people?
UPDATE: Hey, come on guys! Don't you want to be
the first person to write me a testimonial?
UPDATE 2: Still no testimonials? Maybe something's
wrong with the server. Man when are they going to
add more servers to this damn thing?