Yes!
How do my internets get through that solid rock wall? Simple: nothing can stop the truth.

Bonus points if you can identify the hotel, and room number from that photo.

(Each bonus point is worth approximately zero American dollars, and is not transferable.)

It’s not like we worked hard on the game or anything. Why pay money for it?

A lot of people don’t realize this, but when the star of Bethlehem first popped up, most people were like, “Man, I should totally go pay my respects but I’m kind of busy right now.” And so everybody just stayed home. But then this one guy decided he’d better go, and he decided to pick up a six pack along the way. But then one of his friends noticed he was going and he didn’t want to look bad by comparison, so he said, “Hey, I’m going with,” and he brought a bottle of wine. But then when a third friend joined them, and he had a wrapped present, well, they had to all bring presents. And that is the story of Christmas.

Competition is good and leads to a more joyous season, so we would like you to join our Double Fine Holiday Ornament Contest!

Bust out the hot glue and Styrofoam and try not to hurt yourself while you create a DF-themed ornament. Post the results here, and you might just win something awesome.

There’s one catch: To collect the prize, the winner will have to mail their ornament to Double Fine, where it shall be hung for its crimes on the Double Fine Pagan Worship Tree, alongside hand-made ornaments by jolly Double Fine employees. Have I said Double Fine enough yet? Double Fine, Double Fine, Double Fine!

Here are some of those beauties for inspiration.

Here are the official rules, for terrorfication.

Now get to it! I heard your friends have already started! You don’t want to look bad!

I know this could possibly cause problems this Christmas…

...what with all the extra metal weighing down Santa’s sleigh. But these Brütal Legend Buttons of Legend are obviously going to be the big thing this Christmas and Santa knows. Santa knows. He’s taken the necessary precautions to prepare himself for these awesome buttons.

Have you?

I know Christmas is all about giving, but GameTap is taking this whole thing very seriously. It seems that they are giving away Psychonauts! Or at least lending it out. Until January 31, 2008, you can play Psychonauts on GameTap for FREE. How does Double Fine make money this way? You tell me. I have no idea! I mean, I’m sure we are, or they couldn’t do it, right? Right? Maybe they are planning on sending us some chocolates or something. Well, just to be safe, while you’re playing Psychonauts for free, visit our store and buy five Brütal Legend t-shirts.

“But I have lots of money!” you scream, “But I’m under house arrest so I can’t spend it. And I have an Xbox 360!”

Settle down, kid from Disturbia. You too, can play Psychonauts. On December 4, you will be able to download the game, the entire game, from Xbox Live. Welcome to the future.

Uh-oh, looks like Microsoft just saved Christmas!

They are like Rudolf, and Psychonauts is their glowing, red nose. A nose that you can download to your hard drive.  (Warning: do not actually try to download your nose to your hard drive.)

Oh man. It’s not working. That last post didn’t help anything. I just need to put another terrible post up to cover up that last post!
This one has to be even worse… hm… let’s see…

Yesterday, I couldn’t find my keys. But then I found them. They had fallen behind the thing.

Okay, Scott C. and I made an agreement once. That if I ever let the news, or he ever let his comics, go without an update for… some period of time… like a week maybe? Then we had to update with a really, really bad posting. Like a super stupid news post or comic. So here it is. My stupid news post. I can’t speak for Scott, but I have held up my end of the deal. It is a great motivator, because already I am thinking about how I have to make another post right away to cover up this stupid post.

Just to make sure this is the stupidest post ever, let me put up this photo of my cat:

Man this post is lame. Mission accomplished.
Hopefully, nobody is on the internet today.

Recently, during one of my many visits to the Playboy Mansion, Hef said to me, “Hey, Schafes, I just had an idea. I really enjoy these in-depth conversations we always have here, in the grotto, while we float around in inner tubes and naked ladies sing to us. I really appreciate all the advice you give me, and I also like how there’s a third inner tube in here with a big plate on it, and how that plate is full of Newman-Os. But I feel guilty hoarding all this insight and wisdom to ourselves. How about we put one of these great conversations down on record, for the ages to enjoy?”

And I said, “Hefs, haven’t you already given the world enough?”

And he said, “Yes, but I haven’t yet given them enough… of you.”

And that’s the story about how this interview happened.

See, usually, I don’t give interviews. When IGN asked me to talk about Brütal Legend recently, I gave them my typical response: I screamed and turned and ran away as fast as I could. Just when I thought I was in the clear, one of their reporters stepped out from the crowd. I remember he had a big leather hat and snakeskin boots. He reached into a bag of groceries that a little old lady just happened to be carrying by at that moment and pulled out a big can of soup, and threw it all the way down the block and into the back of my head. It knocked me out cold, and the blood from my head splattered all over the pavement, forming the words of this interview here. How was I supposed to know IGN had Australians on the payroll?

Right after that happened, a stray kitten came by and licked up all the blood, and that made everybody sick, and so they barfed, and then the kitten came over and licked up all the barf, and then the guy in the leather hat said, “Craikey! Kitten, you are risking making us all sick again. I hope you realize that, mate.” At which point the kitten stood up on it’s hind legs and gave a fifteen minute speech titled “Risk and Hope,” and even though I was supposed to be out cold, I was awake enough to hear what the kitten was saying, type it all into my Blackberry, replace every occurrence of the word “barf” with “video games,” and email it to the Escapist, who printed it word for word.

Then I went back in time and sued the kitty for plagiarism. How do my words taste now, kitty?

But even they are lucky, because, I mean, look:

I hope somebody carves up my body this good when I’m dead!

We have chosen winners for our Gourds of Doom contest, and believe it or not, the above pumpkin is not one of them. I mean, it’s a winner of a pumpkin, for sure, but it was made by a PROFESSIONAL. Ryan French, one of our awesome APs at Sierra carved it with his girlfriend. He did this one, too:

Inspiring and Evil!
If any of you other developers out there did not receive hand-carved pumpkins from your publishers, you should really complain.

And now on to our winners!
As mentioned, all legitimate entrants will receive a DVD of selected scenes from the Excellent Game Psychonauts.
The top six pumpkins will receive an ORIGINAL DRAWING FROM SCOTT C! Each one bigger than the next.
The first place winner will get the biggest drawing, and also a signed Psychonauts poster.

Okay, are you ready for the winners? Here we go:

Sixth Place: DinkyTiny‘s Double Fine Action Pumpkin!

Fifth Place: AviusViator’s “I’m Sorry” Dogen w/Squirrel and Badges!

Fourth Place: Pixelton’s Milk Pumpkin!

Third Place: Egyptianruin’s Psycho Pumpkin!

Second Place: Jisae’s Blue Dogen w/Foil!

F I R S T P L A C E!
undeadbabies’ Linda the Pumpkin!

What incredible pumpkins! You have surely pleased the dark spirits who rule over this night of pure evil! Congratulations!

There are a lot more excellent pumpkins to check out, by the way, so make sure you see them all.

Thanks to everybody who entered, and to Action Shark, for eating the cheaters.

(Lay thine mouse upon yon evil orb to reveal its true nature. Hint: I hope you like EVIL.)

And what better way to celebrate with an offical ORGY OF PUMPKIN MUTILATION?

If you are super hard and metal like me, you won’t even read the rules, you will just violate your defenseless squash and post the results on this Dark Manuscript of Horrible Crimes that are Bad and Tough, or Else Otherwise Double Fine Related.

Word of warning: Beware the Double Fine Action Shark.

UPDATE: Everybody who enters, gets a DVD of selected cutscenes from The Excellent Game Psychonauts.

Everybody who enters with a real entry, that is. You must actually carve a DF-related pumpkin to qualify. Not just write the word “pumpkin” and put it on a post-it note and slap that post-it note on your cat. All though that would be awesome, you will not get a DVD for that. Even if your cat is wearing goggles. Oh geeze. Why did I say that? Now all we are going to get is a bunch of post-it pumpkin goggle cats. Please, carve a pumpkin and leave your cat alone. And then you can watch selected scenes from Psychonauts in DVD form, while your XBOX is in Texas getting fixed.

ANOTHER UPDATE!
This contest is still devouring entries until MIDNIGHT TONIGHT! (Tonight being Tuesday, the 30th.) We will pick winners on Halloween morning (or “All Hallows Morn” as it is traditionally referred to) and make an announcement later that day. Which means look for a leak in the foreign press around noon. Haha. Leak joke.

Entries so far have been amazing. They have blown the seeds right out of my pumpkin-goop brain. Check them out!

Game Informer is a fine, fine magazine printed on thick, creamy paper, oozing with information. On any month it is a great editorial value. But November’s issue is especially valuable, because it has Brütal Legend on the cover. But that’s not all. There’s also an article inside about Brütal Legend. Pages and pages of shocking revalations about our game. You will fall in love again… with reading. Or at least, with looking, because there are many beautiful screenshots and pieces of concept art. This issue should be in stores now, so please go buy every copy they have, and hand them out to all of your friends. Or go down to GameStop or EBgames and become one of their elite members and get a free subscription to this fine magazine. And pre-order Brütal Legend while you’re at it.

And then see if you can find any pre-owned copies of Psychonauts and move them up to the eye-level shelf, like I do when I go to game stores.

HERE is the press release.
HERE is Sierra’s official website.
HERE is where you can PRE-ORDER the game from GameStop and get a FREE T-SHIRT!!!
HERE is Double Fine’s product page about it where you can buy a totally different t-shirt.

Brütal Legend is our new game and we’ve been working on it forever and you are now free to love it with all your heart and pre-order about ten thousand copies each.

Let me just tell you about this:

When I was ten years old, I had no idea what kind of music to listen to. The only album I had was a 45 of Steve Martin singing “King Tut.” I had a little, monophonic radio by my bed that I used to tune in Dr. Demento once a week. Other times, I would twist the knob around and listen for something else. One time I stumbled upon, “A Fifth of Beethoven,” the disco version of Beethoven’s fifth symphony. (Remember, this is the 70s.) I thought, “Yeah, this is pretty cool. I’m probably pretty cool for listening to this.” And then my older brother walked in the room.

“What are you listening to?” He asked, horrified. He was fifteen.

“Um.. Nothing.” It was like being caught with a dirty magazine, but worse.

He stared at me for moment, listened to the disco Beethoven, furrowed his brow, and then said, “Come with me.”

He led me down to his room, and he told me to sit on the floor while he flipped through his record collection. He pulled out a strange, dark record, and put it on the turntable.

It popped and crackled and then was silent. Then it all began, with the bass drum. “Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump,” like the footsteps of an angry giant, coming down the hallway to kill us.

But, instead of hearing a knocking on the door, I heard a sound that made me feel like my brain was being electrocuted. It was an electric guitar, but it was as if steel cables were uncoiling inside my gut, turning my body inside out. And the evil sound just got deeper and expanded until I was flayed open, a mass of gurgling blood. Then, a commanding voice announced itself. An enormous, malevolent, Satanic robot, with red eyes and chrome teeth.

“I… am… IRON… MAN,” it growled. And then one of the most famous riffs in all of rock grabbed me by the collar, dragged me up a steep stairway, twirled me over its head, and tossed me down the stairs. And I loved it.

That was the first time I heard Heavy Metal. It was big, loud, powerful, threatening, and weird. Everything I secretly hoped to be as a teenager. Growing up in a small town, looking at the same old things every day--the kids you know in school, the teachers, the streets, your room—you start to wonder, “Is this really all there is?” And Heavy Metal, just like fantasy, science fiction, and video games, says, “No. There are worlds out there that you can’t even imagine.” And one of those worlds is exactly what we’re building for this game.

“Of course,” you exclaim, slapping your forehead. “A Heavy Metal game. Why didn’t I think of that? In fact, why aren’t ALL games exactly like this?” And it’s a good question. Why aren’t all games Brütal Legend? They should be. But they’re not, and I think part of the reason is that publishers fear the Legend. You’d be surprised how many of them asked us to change the music to something more innocuous. One of them asked, “Does the main character have to be a roadie?”

Ho ho! But not our pals at Sierra. They have embraced this game like a mama bear hugging a baby cub. And when the cub was hungry, the mamma bear reached into the creek and pulled out a salmon for us, named Jack Black. And he was delicious. After we ate that salmon (and by “ate” I mean cast him in our starring role, the roadie Eddie Riggs) the baby cub said, “That salmon was perfect, but now we’d like something sweet. Maybe a thin chocolate wafer,” the momma bear reached into that cool, mountain stream and pulled out Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead. And when the baby bear said, “And maybe a single espresso,” the momma bear pulled out Rob Halford from Judas Priest. And when the baby bear said, “Oh, I’m so stuffed. But you know what would really hit the spot would be some Ronnie James Dio,” the momma went into the woods and found a hunter. She stalked that hunter for days, and then charged him, tackled him, and tore out his guts. Then she ate the guts, all except for the heart, and she brought the heart back to the baby bear, and said, “Here. This is Ronnie James Dio.”

I think you know what I’m talking about.

After that, the momma bear did many more things. Awesome things. Unspeakable things. And the baby bear was happy. But the baby bear can’t tell you what they are, because they’re secret, and because bears can’t speak English.

The moral of the story is that Brütal Legend is going to be the best f***ing game you have ever played.

Please be patient, though. It’s going to take us a little while to gather up every single piece of awesome there is in the world and put it in this game.

To the publishers who missed out, I offer you this message of consolation from Lemmy and me:

The weird thing about this album is that it totally makes me think of playing Miner 2049er on my Atari 800. Summer of ‘82, I just sat around my room, playing Miner 2049er, listening to Iron Fist. While other people were, like, dating, or getting excercise, or making friends.

Ha ha. Fools!

Look, here’s the deal. There has been no offical announcement of anything, so I can’t talk about the new game yet!

No one said anything about pictures, though…