Legally, I don’t have to update the news right now, because I’m sick. I have what feels like a small, grey, soft-shelled crab living in my chest. It’s hobbies are squeezing my lungs, and making me cough all the time. I do not like the crab.

Here’s what’s going on in San Francisco right now: The Game Developers’ Conference is in town. It’s happening right down the street. I can almost see it from here. I’d head on down there but I’m afraid my chest crab might start pinching.

I’m going to name the crab Tobe Urkle Osis, because I love the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Family Matters, and also Osis.