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Host Master and the Conquest of Humor

Why oh why did I agree to host the Game Developers Choice Awards again? So much stress! I lay awake at night, thinking about all those people staring at me from the audience, growling. I try to imagine them in their underwear, but have you ever tried imagining the games industry in its underwear? That’s not helping me sleep at night.

“I know what you need,” said Klint, our web tyrant.

“Yes! I need a few jokes for my script. Hopefully about Game Audio, Design, or—“

“No, what you need is for someone to tell your story, in GAME FORM, for the benefit of future generations.”

“But how’s that going to help me with—“

“Shhhhh,” Klint said, moving my hand to my mouse. “I’ve tried to present your problem in a form that would make you feel more relaxed and comfortable. As if it were a puzzle to solve from a simpler time, when your brain was younger and more flexible.”

“This better be awesome,” I said.

And it was.

22
58
03/23/2009 - 08:21 PM
03/23/09 - 09:19 PM
Breakman:

"Mmmm... Psychic O's... I haven't finished the mini-game, but I'm loving the retro-ness! Yay!"
03/23/09 - 10:41 PM
Paroxysm:

"Th best I've got right now is 11 jokes. I must find all the worlds jokes! On another note your in game character looks like Hitler... I have often wondered..."
03/24/09 - 12:27 AM
Blazerkin:

"By Jove, a fine return to point-and-click for Mr. Schafer. Also, only 11 jokes so far."
03/24/09 - 12:39 AM
Bobbin:

"... Brilliant."
03/24/09 - 12:56 AM
SergioCornaga:

"I've got 12, but I've completely run out of ideas..."
03/24/09 - 01:03 AM
thekonfuzed:

"Awesome game, I loved the writing. Finally got all 22, hooray for moonwalk mode!"
03/24/09 - 01:04 AM
SergioCornaga:

"Or not! It seems a good old fashioned pixel hunt was the solution to my problems. Nice unlockable!"
03/24/09 - 05:48 AM
ThunderPeel2001:

"Freaking awesome! Also, I'm sorry I can't think of any jokes about sound design :("
03/24/09 - 07:57 AM
Curlan:

"Bah-dah bop bah baaaah. I'm lovin' it."
03/24/09 - 08:25 AM
Pyoko:

"The best game I've played in years. Especially liked the parts about the weevils and the ancient artifact. Also now I miss old LucasArts again. :("
03/24/09 - 08:51 AM
Bravopunk138:

"Found 12 until now! Musst...keep on...searching! BLUARGH!"
03/24/09 - 09:07 AM
Ravana:

"I have found 22 jokes, a deed I celebrate by moonwalking brusquely. I will have recognition for this achievement, in this life or the next."
03/24/09 - 10:00 AM
SnowLeopard:

"Do not use me as your joke-writer, otherwise you will be DOOMED!!! (this also applies to babysitter and tailor)"
03/24/09 - 12:47 PM
kingkaraoke:

"I was stuck on 12 jokes for SO LONG, I couldn't bear it much longer, but then, after pushing myself almost to insanity, I found out the solution was in my head all along. All I had to do was close my eyes, and there it was! Whoopie!"
03/24/09 - 01:05 PM
Kraznor:

"I only managed 12 so far, like many others it seems. I will return to this gem later."
03/24/09 - 01:16 PM
Aridi:

"More games like this, please. Thanks. I'll even pay."
03/24/09 - 02:33 PM
mykalwane:

"Damn that is very good and tough. I only got 6 jokes. I don't think I could get more then that since I tried everything I could think of. Though I have no idea what the key was for."
03/24/09 - 04:52 PM
Paroxysm:

"Moonwalk mode success!"
03/24/09 - 05:18 PM
SlothOnFire:

"Great game... Getting past 12 jokes is definitely the toughest, although I could see how getting past 6 could also be pretty tough. The key there is just re-examining things after they seem to have exhausted their usefulness. And getting past 12 is a little pixel hunt-y, but it was quite satisfying once found. On the whole, it's the best web browser adventure game since "Don't s*** your pants!""
03/24/09 - 06:06 PM
Bravopunk138:

"Puh, finally found the last ten jokes! Liked it!"
03/24/09 - 07:22 PM
kpong:

"Overly-dressed, Obese Hitler w/ 5 o'clock shadow."
03/24/09 - 10:15 PM
Jupiter065:

"The chicken, it mocks me, I can hear it laughing. Sick, evil laughter bursting from it's neck stump. WHY DO YOU MOCK ME SO?!"
03/25/09 - 05:22 AM
AJTOGC:

"Okay, that took me a really long time but it WAS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. For anyone who hasn't finished, pixel hunt isn't completely necessary, there are actual clues telling you where to look. Please please make more like this. Yay for point and click!"
03/25/09 - 10:20 AM
Nomnisang:

"We need more SCUMM."
03/25/09 - 12:28 PM
Zed Word:

"That was possibly the most awesomest waste of time ive ever had while working. Excellent work Mr. Shchafer! And its not Pixel hunty at all. Follow the clues!!!"
03/25/09 - 12:29 PM
Zed Word:

"Schafer* sorry. im retardo."
03/25/09 - 02:13 PM
willy:

"Stuck at 10. Awesome as this is, I always suck at these kind of games. I need a walkthrough :("
03/26/09 - 01:33 PM
ThunderPeel2001:

"This was totally totally awesome! Thank you guys!!! (I want more! :) Hints for those playing: Firstly, try everything on everything. Try talking to everything, turning on/off everything... You'll more than likely find something funny! Secondly: Stuck at 6? Try looking at everything again. Thirdly: Stuck at 12? That upside down scribble might mean something, you know! Great job, Double Fine -- I felt like I was playing Monkey Island all over again!"
03/26/09 - 01:37 PM
ThunderPeel2001:

"Lawks! According to the Minigame page, Tim Schafer was responsible for the dialogue (along with Klint Honeychurch). No wonder it felt like a return of my favourite games of yore. I bow to thee, Mr Schafer and to your mighty fine team."
03/26/09 - 09:46 PM
Nautic812:

"So...ummmm yea. When I saw a pic of this game on Wired.com I kinda had to ask myself, "Self. Why was it that this looks like an old game of Tim's and why does the character kinda look like a certain WW2 villian?" Tim...how old were you in 1942? I mean your games have been around since about that time right? Is Double Fine Studio a cover up for something bigger? I'm calling the feds."
03/27/09 - 05:51 AM
0renji:

"Somebody, please God, tell me where the last joke is. I have nothing but the remote, matchbook and cigar cutters and I have clicked everything furiously, but that last joke eludes me!"
03/27/09 - 04:46 PM
Trogdor The Burninator:

"Tim............thank you. When I first saw the pic, I was like "That would be awesome to play." (Obviously I hadn't read the full post yet.)so, when I realized you could play it, I just about crapped my pants. Thanks again, it was really fun and funny!"
03/29/09 - 02:30 AM
General Balls:

"That chicken gives me the creeps."
03/29/09 - 07:31 PM
Sean Goes Pop!:

"So... confused... no... clue... what to do... stuck at 12. :("
03/29/09 - 07:42 PM
Sean Goes Pop!:

"I take that back. Wow that was confusing... but worth it. I like the losing and winning ending. Hilarious."
03/30/09 - 11:52 PM
Rubacava:

"The joke about games being recession-proof was damned funny and caught me off guard."
03/31/09 - 03:20 AM
Arrested Developer:

"You guys gotta make a shirt showing Tim's epic battle with the stool. Picture on the front of Tim and the Stool with the caption "Let's Dance you Son of a bitch" and the back of the shirt has a picture of the stool on its side and the caption "Who's laughing now, Stool?". I would pay ungodly amounts of money for that shirt."
03/31/09 - 09:59 PM
fozzyozzy:

"'give' MONEY to 'Tim Schafer'."
04/05/09 - 09:02 AM
Cyrus:

"I especially liked the Psycho's and the rubber chicken. Will there be more oldschool stylizations?"
04/10/09 - 01:00 PM
mykalwane:

"How is it that any of you got past 6 I tried everything on everything and got half a joke so I know there is more. Damn you weevils, Damn you all to hell."
04/05/10 - 04:39 PM
Katez:

"Augh! What does the mobile phone even do! It doesn't work!"
04/05/10 - 05:38 PM
Katez:

"Scratch that, I CAN MOONWALK"
12/02/10 - 10:26 AM
icockrum:

"Aaargh! I only just discovered this in December 2010. WHY ISN'T IT STILL LIVE?"
01/02/12 - 03:45 AM
sadie:

""How come Tasha's not in costume up there? Or are these her minions? Is Tasha the Silken Floss to Tim's Octopus?" CompTIA certifications//F5 training//exin exams//icnd//icnd1//icnd2//640-802//SY0-301//350-001//642-813//"
09/26/13 - 10:06 PM
Ricky Jackson:

"Tim I can understand the pressure you undergo from your words itself. But it's your opportunity so don't miss it. Just go ahead and blast and don't think too much about it. I wish you all the best to make the show a great event. Thanks- microsoft-chat.com"
11/14/14 - 03:44 AM
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11/16/14 - 05:42 AM
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11/18/14 - 04:01 AM
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04/29/15 - 09:51 PM
williama:

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05/15/15 - 12:15 PM
theos:

"Good feelings when i see the old style game! clicar aqui"
05/16/15 - 10:00 AM
donot:

"Love this game, Psycho is really interesting. hack clash of kings"
06/02/15 - 08:52 AM
theos:

"Interesting game... Getting past 10 jokes is definitely the toughest, although I could see how getting past 6 could also be pretty tough. site"
06/19/15 - 02:38 AM
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06/19/15 - 03:34 AM
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09/06/15 - 05:07 PM
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"Io vengo da Wisata Pulau Tidung e mi piace giocare, prima di tutto una volta che i giochi vittoria guerra. La mia abitazione è un luogo turistico che la rende sempre più affollato con i visitatori giro quando diletto giochi. Per quelli di voi quale vogliono imparare più particolari in cui vivo si è in grado di leggere il mio articolo intitolato Pulau Pari"
01/20/16 - 03:19 AM
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