ADVICE FOR LOVELORN FANS

We get millions of letters every day here at Double Fine, and most of it says the same thing: How can I marry Nathan “Bagel” Stapley? How can I make him mine forever, and not have him think about anyone else but me?

Well, I’m sorry to say that Nathan already has five wives, and in California, that’s the limit. He is entitled to one more wife-by-mail, but that relationship is capped at two letters a week, and you don’t want that. Here’s what I recommend: Eat all of your meals at the computer, put the computer by your bed so it’s the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night, and occasionally yell at the computer for stinking up the bathroom. Final step, keep Nathan’s web page up on your computer at all times. Do this and you will have all the best parts of being married to Nathan, without the constant smell of burritos.

Or: Get into raz. He’s got a brand new comic up and he’s very hot right now.