HEY, REMEMBER SUMMER?

Neither do I. But I’ve heard great things about it. Here in San Francisco we have a “Less-Severe Mist” season, characterized by a fine precipitation that—if you look up, close your eyes, and let it fall on your face—feels like tiny needles gently piercing your skin. Later in the evenings we have the famous Cold Knife Winds with patches of Rain and Paralyzing Gloom. But we get through all that, because we know that with October comes the promised “Indian Summer,” a perverse burst of hot weather in the dead of fall. But this year I think someone was offended by the name and so it was cancelled. Yet somehow, we carry on. We San Franciscans spring forth from our painted lady houses every day and drive our cable cars down crooked ol’ Lombard street to get our daily clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl while starting our daily internet startup company. How do we do it? How do we manage to fight off the cold and remain perky and resilient?

Simple. The Double Fine Hoodie.

Why yes, Complete Stranger, you may take my picture!

Aw man! Check out these happy people! We just took a camera out to the park and randomly took pictures of the first four people we saw down there! Sure enough, they were all wearing San Francisco’s hottest thermal garment sensation. Look at them and tell me honestly that you think your life is better than any of theirs. Or even half as good as them! You can’t, can you? It’s okay. Seriously. Stop crying for a second. Now, just imagine your life in the cuddly embrace of Double Fine. Isn’t that better? That’s what the warm sensation of a Double Fine hoodie is like: all the hugs your mother never gave you.

Okay, but now get this. If you go over to the famous Double Fine Company Store right now, and buy a DF Hoodie, you will get one of these, ABSOLUTELY FREE;

The orange one is cuter than it looks in this picture.

Holy crap, your brain just exploded. That’s right. A free two-headed baby patch with each DF Hoodie! I’m sorry for overwhelming you with pleasure but I have to be honest with you—that is the offer.

What are you giving your loved ones for Christmas? Does it protect them from the cold? Does it have a hood? Does it have a two-headed baby stitched on its backside, like this?

This embroidery is on the back of the green hoodie. Well, the back and kind of to the side. Right above where you keep your switchblade.

If not, then how dare you call them loved ones? If you’re not giving someone a Double Fine Hoodie this Christmas, you might as well be giving them a little, torn-off scrap of binder paper with the words “I hate you” scrawled in your own faeces. And unfortunately, we don’t sell that in those in the store right now. So you’re going to have to buy them one of these and deal with your free patch!