LESS NEWS PER POUND THAN ANY OTHER NATIONAL BRAND

I have this pimple on the tip of my nose. But it's not on the outside of my nose, it's like, deep within the skin on my nose. Actually, it's deeper than that. Judging by the pain I'm feeling, I think this pimple is growing inside the cartilage of my nose, if that possible. Cartilage pimples are the most painful kind of pimples. Except for maybe bone pimples, or tooth pimples. Ow. I don't want to write about this on the news page, but I can't help it. I have to write what I feel, and all I can feel right now is pain.

Oh, wait. Here's some news:

There is no more pineapple upside-down cake in the kitchen. But it wasn't me who finished it off. Someone else did. But I scrapped some moist and delicious crumbs off the foil that they left behind. And the crumbs are made of the best part of the pineapple upside-down cake: The part on the bottom where there is no pineapple. The dark, almost crispy part where all the sugar settles down and--

God DAMN my nose hurts! And my thumb, too. I cut it on my coffee machine yesterday. Be careful if you have the Krups 12-Cup with the brushed aluminum faceplate and Thermal Carafe. That thing is a death trap. It loves only two things:

  1. Making my coffee
  2. Tasting my blood

See, what's going on here is that it's Friday, and in about twelve minutes we're all going to take off and begin our long weekend. Monday is a holiday, so I desperately wanted to put something new on the news page before all that time away. But I've got nothing. Ow. Nothing but my nose pain. Maybe if I had just one more fact. One more news item. Otherwise, I'm just going to have to start talking about our new game, or our new kitten. Oh god. Must resist news leak and kitten pictures! Ow. Must ignore nose... pain... excruciating... must not... post secrets... must not... blog... ow... nose bone pustule... swelling... tearing...

GAHHHHHHH!

Oh great. Now I've done BOTH.

Oh well.

Isn't she cute?