Can you blame him? We’ve practically taken over the show. That being the case, I don’t know why they’re not charging more money for this conference. Just look at these three events which I have selected at random:
The Brutal Art of Brütal Legend brought to you by LEE PETTY!
Creating the amazing art of the amazing game that is Brütal Legend was not easy, and many artists had to die to make it happen. But one of those artists lived. At least, so far. And that man is Lee Petty. Let’s hope he survives until the conference, where he will tell you all how it was done.
G.A.N.G. Demo Derby starring EMILY RIDGWAY!
Come to this session and make sounds for one minute, and then have Emily (and some other people) tear your heart to shreds. It sounds painful, but I hear it’s actually really, really fun. For the panelists, I mean. Because they enjoy hurting people. But they don’t do this just to hurt people. They do it so they can put a microphone on you and record the sound of your heart actually breaking for use in their next game.
Robotic Testing to the Rescue a love story by PAUL DU BOIS! (Paul does not like to be photographed, so I’ll just use this picture of Lee Petty again because he’s so handsome.)
Are you excited about Brütal Legend coming out but anxious about the hours of hard, physical labor required to play it? Well, come hear this lecture by our very own Paul Du Bois about how he and Bert Chang (also our very own) wrote a program that will play it for you! This is truly the last hope of humanity because the only chance we have of avoiding robot domination is to get them hooked on video games. Who has time to take over the world when you have achievements to unlock?
The 2009 Game Developers Choice Awards hosted by ME, TIM SCHAFER!
I am accustomed to picking who lives and who dies, but only when I host these awards do I get to pick whose names to pronounce right and who’s names to flub intentionally. God, I love that power. It’s my one chance to get back at people for spelling my name wrong all the time. Oh, and sure—it’s a nice awards show, too. The winners are all selected by their fellow game developers, so it’s very legit and satisfying and usually the kind of evening that warms your heart and makes you feel good about being part of this crazy industry. Except when I host, and then it’s usually just hours and hours of me reading through a list of my enemies’ names and occasionally crank calling them with my cell phone. Unless you want your name read, I suggest you show up!