What’s that? You’re tired of this painful, humiliating, decaying realm we call the physical universe? Hey, I am with you buddy. I can not wait for the day when we will be able to upload our consciousness to some great big server somewhere and just float along as an electric dream cloud, never again worrying about hangnails or sore throats or skin cancer or earwigs. But for now, I’m afraid we are all still stuck here in our meat lattices, slogging through the rotting swamp of corporeal existence, dying cell by cell, knowing that the best we can hope for in the end is that we will die in our sleep.
BUT LET ME OFFER YOU TWO VERY IMPORTANT WAYS TO ESCAPE!!
Number one: You can now read all about Brütal Legend in Official Xbox Magazine without risking papercuts on your eyeballs. The entire article is now available online! Float your little electric dream cloud over there and take a look!
Secondly: Sure, you already own the Psychonauts Soundtrack and also the Original Cinematic Score…
But you have them on deadly plastic discs that spin at dangerous speeds and must be read with eye-burning lasers. What were you thinking??
For your own safety I insist that you purchase a new, safer, ELECTRONIC copy of the soundtrack, from one of these reputable cyber-vendors.
That’s right, Psychonauts is EVERY-EFFING-WHERE! You thought you were done buying it but now you must buy it again! And again! (Or, if you don’t want to buy it again, at least go there and give it a five-star rating!)
Quickly, before your eardrums calcify and your retinas detach and all of the other horrible things that happen to mortals. When the Grand Uploading of our consciousnesses happens, you won’t be able to take your physical copy of OXM, or your deadly CDs of Psychonauts. But you will be able to take your eCopies of everything!
Unless I’ve misread the pamphlet.