A New Dawn For Man

Okay, you’re just going to have to bear with me. I don’t know much about HTML. My brain is just too full of other information, you see. Like how to delight people and how to bring happiness to the world. So, there’s no room for that kind of 21st-century, future-generation mumbo-jumbo in my brain. And I’m okay with that, but it has led to some kinda sub-optimal things about the Double Fine Action News.

For instance, if you use Netscape, the embedded images sometimes appear on top of the text.

“What’s up with that?” Cries the Netscape-using/Nader-voting community!

Don’t ask me. I had all the vacuum tubes replaced on my computer and still, this is happening. Also, some people have been complaining (even though this web page is free, mind you) that the rollover text doesn’t appear for them. You’ll be happy to know this is not a problem for ME when I look at the page, so I’M okay. No need to worry there.

Oh, and also, for some reason, this news page has become self-aware, and has evolved into a omniscient, super-evil, cosmos-strangling, overlord of invisible tyranny. I think this also has something to do with Netscape. Or maybe something went wrong with the cascading style sheets. Anyway, it’s all over. The evil old page has been removed and isolated here. Whoops! Don’t look at it, or you’ll become enslaved again. Just stay here on this page, delete your cookies, and you should be fine.

Unless you actually believed that crazy web page when it promised screenshots. I don’t have any screenshots. That was the evil page talking. Oh, man. Now I feel bad. Here, let me see what I can whip up before I go home.

How about that? Looks pretty good, eh? Unless you’re using Netscape, of course.

What, still not happy? Okay, what else, what else… Oh! Here’s a Psychonauts gif I made tonight for my cell phone:

Whoops, I meant to say, here’s a Psychonauts gif I made by hand just for you—I literally glued each pixel together, one at a time, after carving your name into the side of each one, along with a little, personalized love poem. 16384 poems in all. Took me a long time, you know.

And… uh… okay, I’ll draw you a picture of a rhinoceros:

Now, I dare you to be unsatisfied.