Skip to: main content or site footer.


Tim Schafer Tim

Yeah, yeah. The sea monkeys are huge now. They’re huge and fluffy and look like that big dragon from the Neverending Story and it’s great. Buuuuuut…

I kiiiiinda wish I hadn’t mentioned those sea monkeys last time because pretty soon it’s going to get to the point where that tiny wet-nap-sized packet of sea monkey food will run out, and I will be forced to decide whether to spend $3 on replacement monkey food or let them all die. And while the cash is not really such a big deal to someone born into Royalty such as myself, the mental work is more daunting. I will have to use all of my brains to figure out where to get replacement monkey food. Full-on sea monkey sets? I know you can get from the back of any comic book. But just the food packets? You can’t just get that at your local pet-food store. Well, maybe you can, but I’m too embarrassed to walk there and ask for sea monkey food. I’m scared that they’ll just say, “Are you serious? Why don’t you just let them die, and then buy a new set? It’s about the same price.”

If I had just kept their names out of the Action News, then I maybe could have paid the money to have them all quietly put to sleep, outside of the harsh public spotlight. Or possibly, if I took a week off work, I could travel around and find adoptive homes for all of them. Or I could have simply walked around with the open monkey tank until, by no fault of my own, I spilled them and ended the whole thing.

But NOOOO. I blab all about it on this hott-ass website, which means every development of the story will be picked up by CNN, etc. So I’m just going to have to nobly, unselfishly figure it out. Grr.

We have lots of hot dogs left over from the company picnic, so first I’ll try chopping those up and dropping them in the tank. But I’m scared of what will happen once the sea monkeys get a taste of flesh. Or whatever part of the pig they make hot dogs out of.

In Psychonauts news: Psychonauts! Holy hot dang what a game!

Skip up to: site menu or main content