If it’s red, you should buy it.
Well, even if it’s not red, you should buy it, because it’s a good magazine. But if it’s red, and has a small, psychic child on it, you should buy it and turn to page 20 and read all about the Exfoliating Scrub Psychonauts! (If it has a PICTURE, I mean, of a small psychic child. If there is an actual psychic child standing on the magazine, then just force yourself to think really hard about candy so as to distract him, while you slip a copy out from the middle of the pile.)
P.S. Thanks to Kingzjester for the Horlicks! I’m sure it’s poison, but it’s the thought that counts!