I know if people come here looking for exciting and long-awaited Brütal Legend news, and find instead a picture of a dead weevil they might be understandably disappointed. And yet my unquenchable lust to inform can not be quenched by the small setback of having no knowledge or information. So I must keep posting news, even if that news is the complete lack of news, and contains only weevils, or deformed bowling pins that look like our company logo.
So I am instituting a “News Threat Level” to give you readers some warning as to what to expect. The News Threat Level is an easy to understand, color-coded, early warning system that will let you know how close we are to hearing actual Brütal news. Here are the settings, as introduced by a deformed bowling pin that looks like our company logo:
|Toasted Salmon||I have no idea what is going on, or when I will be able to talk about it.|
|Charred Topaz||News coming probably before your next doctor’s appointment.|
|Metallic Chartreuse||News coming probably before your next haircut.|
|Haunted Sandalwood||Omg I think there may be some news this month.|
|International Ochre||WTF? News this week? Yes!|
|Violated Lemon||I hear news knocking at the door!|
|Subpoena Blue||Keep hitting the refresh button because I feel big news coming on like a sneeze.|
|Skinned Teal||False alarm. No news.|
|Irreverent Periwinkle||News is here! Run for your lives!!!|
In the days, weeks, and probably years to come, watch the news banner above for any changes, and set your “expectations gland” accordingly.