The Double Fine Action News has not been updated in about a month, and I will be honest—there have been complaints. But I would like to say I reject these complaints. Pfaah! Reject! Back to your unloving mothers, you complaints! And here is why I reject you: I just thought of a very flattering, very pro-double fine explanation of the lack of fresh posts here. Why did some readers not see it? Well that’s because they are actually betrayers. But I shouldn’t really get into that because those betrayers might still have 50 bucks come holiday 2004, and therefore I love them very, very much.
But still I will describe for you the nature of their betrayal. They should have not assumed that we weren’t posting because we were fat and lazy. They should have assumed the totally-possible case where I, the author, in fact DIED after eating that blue bread. Ah, you see? Author eats blue bread, dies, and then no further posts. Hilarious! Well, done, author.
Unfortunately, that was not what happened. Our entire authoring staff here—our fat and lazy authoring staff—have just been too busy working on the increasingly-excellent game Psychonauts (which you can read about in the new Electronic Gaming Monthly—go buy three copies NOW!!!) Too busy to care about the public, the fans… to busy to care about anything except for their own sick desire to not update web pages. Well, at least we got that one thing done: no updating, done! Check! Desire satisfied.
Ultimately, what I’m saying is, regardless of the fatitude and lazification of our writing staff, the faithful reader should have known better. Or actually, they should have known nothing, but assumed better, incorrectly. When no posts were made, said reader should have assumed not that fatness or laziness were involved, but instead some sort of high comedy was going on.
And the best, in this case, was the possibility that we were implying with our hilarious non-posts, that the author had died. Pretty funny stuff. We weren’t doing it, but you didn’t know that. Next time, maybe?
P.S. Did I mention that there are new screenshots in EGM! Go buy! You go buy now!