HERE’S HOW AWESOME I AM:
Check out how beautiful things have become in MY house in PinkyToe!
Not only do I have a picture of my girlfriend Mitzi, but I also have a one-of-a-kind painting of 2hb! I’m the best player of Animal Crossing IN THE WORLD!!! We should sell yellow rubber bracelets in the company store because I’m pretty much the Lance Armstrong of Animal Crossing!!!
Okay, I’m lying. I didn’t take that picture. That’s not my character. That’s not my house. That’s not a picture of PinkyToe. In my house in PinkyToe I have a picture of Amelia. She’s an Eagle who I didn’t even know was a girl until she hit on me. She got way too personal every time I talked to her, so I started avoiding her, but that just made her get more and more creepy with her affections. Once, she mailed me a peach and told me in the letter that she had “rubbed it all over her face.” I’m not kidding. Big surprise when that greasy, mashed-up peach didn’t grow into a tree. Thanks for sending me rotten fruit smudged with your own eye shadow, Amelia! As I dug up the stillborn sapling and threw it away, I thought of you, and how much I’d like to bury your head in the hole that was left behind, and how I’d like to feed the rest of your body to that hungry walrus, Wendel.
But anyway, she moved out of town and man, was I happy!
So, like I was saying, that picture was actually mailed to us by Ronn LeFeuvre, who hand-poked that 2hb directly into his DS. He also sent in this picture revealing his secret recipe for two-headed babies:
I have to say, nice job on the curly-cue hair, Ronn. A lot of people don’t get that right. I also like your Katamari background pattern. That stuff is so cool, I almost don’t want to sue you for stealing our logo to promote your town, but unfortunately, our lawyer wants to go for blood. But he might settle for a Green Rug or possibly the Lunar Wallpaper. Ha ha ha!
Hey, how are all you people who don’t play Animal Crossing enjoying this news item? Guess what? I don’t care, because you have no souls!
Unless you’re playing Psychonauts of course. Then your soul is rich and thick with goodness. So here’s some news just for you. Official Xbox Magazine has awarded The Excellent Game Psychonauts…
On behalf of the team I’d like to thank OXM for their support and excellent, refined taste. I am very excited about this award! Especially because I think it will look nice on my Robo Table, and since it only comes out once a year, it’s bound to get me some extra points with the HRA!
(Again, a reminder to those of you not getting that joke: no soul.)